Mental models — getting aware through left-hand column
In this blog, I wrote about what are mental models.
They are deep. They are strong. They exist and shape us.
As I discussed this with my colleagues and friends, it resonated with many. Some were a bit sceptical. One person interestingly said, if this is how it is, then I am walking naked everywhere, but I am not aware.
And then followed a question, how can I get aware of my mental models?
It’s not easy to be aware, and it’s even more difficult to explain to someone how to be aware, especially when I myself know that I miss it more often than not. I am attempting, though.
Let’s see how actions originate. There’s something called a ladder of inference (Chris Argyris and Peter Senge) and introduced to me by Raja Chidambaram It explains how we see the situation and act.
The process is explained as it happens in our minds.
- There’s a situation and available information which we observe.
- We observe and select facts that are usually suitable(it’s a split second process) for us.
- We interpret them and associate what does it mean to us
- Based on what it means, we make assumptions about the people involved and the situation
- We reach conclusions based on our beliefs
- Our beliefs we have formed through such numerous experiences and situations.
- We act in a given situation based on our beliefs.
To understand the cause of our actions, read it upwards.
While this sounds complicated, and it truly is, we can identify our responses and their causes as we stay conscious with enduring observance. It may be post-mortem for a few months at the start and then slowly internalises.
Remember the iceberg?
It’s more like that; what we say is around 10%, and what causes is like that 90% of the iceberg which is not visible.
Yesterday, I got involved in a situation. It triggered this blog as I sat down to think about what happened to me — knowing everything, how I got sucked into the situation.
It was like this; I was at the train station. My parents were travelling, and I was with them to see them off.
After getting into the coach and tidying the luggage, my father came out with me, and there was some time for the train to depart, so we decided to have tea. If you are familiar with train journeys in India, you would have seen people with tea-kettle roaming around and selling tea. We also found one, it was a good tea, so I got one more for my mother who was inside. My father decided to get in to hand it over, and we realised there are too crowded. We wanted to reach inside as early as possible without letting the tea spillover. Several people are standing at the door with luggage — almost 8–10 people. Three people are sitting on the attendant’s berth. We waited for a few seconds to let them move, but there was no movement. So I asked the guy standing near the door what was happening and his seat numbers to get an idea about where they would be moving, and it unfolded.
In such situations, what we say is equivalent to the visible portion of the iceberg, but what causes us to say things or behave in a way is hidden under the water and not visible to others, in fact, not even to us if we are not conscious.
This technique, which I have used, is called as Left-hand column. In conflict situations, take a pen and paper and write down what were you thinking and what was being said. It pays off to do it afterwards; even after you have got what you needed, collateral damage may occur.
There is no one “right” way to handle difficult situations. Still, being aware of your assumptions and thinking, it becomes increasingly clear that we are equally contributing to the problem in every tricky situation. Writing what we are concealing, i.e. our assumptions and beliefs, we can decide what to do with them to move forward.
